We met with Brig's dad and the others this week, for the second time since he's been out of jail (he got out on Christmas Eve) and it looks like he has ninety days from that meeting, which I figure as May 11, to be ready to be a dad. He has to have a job, which for anyone is tough, and an apartment by then. It looks like we will be starting visits before too long, most likely in the next week or two, even though Brigham's therapist, and pretty much everyone else at the meeting, is telling his dad how hard this is going to be on him and how much damage it will do. He doesn't care at all. He outright showed us where he stands at the end of the meeting, after Dan's emotional pleadings, when he was asked, "So if the visits don't go well and Kree still doesn't want to be with you at all, will you still take him?" He said, "yes".
So... we are just hanging in there. The visits were hard on me with his mom, almost two years ago, so I'm really gearing up for some emotions. Except after hearing his attitude, I think the emotion of symphathy for parents who want their child back might be missing this time. I can't imagine being a parent and putting your child through such a nightmare because of your own choices. We do have CASA in our court (I would be insane without them, I just know it) and they will ask the judge to stop hearings if it's really going bad. I know I will look back on this and it will just be a memory someday--We really think he will be ours eventually, but this is a scary hoop to jump through. The hardest part will be not being able to totally comfort him as we do these visits. He asked me last week, out of the blue, "Mom, when I'm five can I stay forever?" I told him I hoped he wasn't worrying and he said, "I am." I don't have an answer that will totally calm his fears, because we aren't to that point yet. He is a tough little guy, and I know the atonement is there even for things like this, so we'll make it through.
2 comments:
You guys are amazing! Definately everyone could learn so much from your example! I hope it is a better ending than what you're expecting right now! We miss you guys!
Your post brought tears to my eyes for 2 reasons. Guilt and empathy. I am the one who made the choices that put my children in a bad position with their father, and now I go through some of the things you must be going through w/Brigham. One "child" would cling to my leg and beg me not to make him go, telling me he was scared of his father, and I would pry him off my leg because "The LAW says he has the right to see him". Now I have a child that begs to see her father, and I am doing everything in my power to keep him away, but "The LAW says he has the right to see her" so either way, my heart is broken everytime my ex has (had) them. You have done nothing but try to give this child a better life than the one he may have had. You didn't put him in this situation in any way, but the heartache is the same. I am so sorry you have to go through it.
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